Thursday, December 30, 2004

Thursday Blahs

I think I'm beginning to pull out of the depression. I think several things caused it:
  • the gradual darkening of the days, it has been grey and overcast most of the time, there isn't any sun!

  • The biggest, and the one I keep shying around. Asthma. Damn it. I've had to give up so much for it, and it still wants to take more. We went through a brief period of hope, misunderstanding the doctor, that it would go away. It isn't. Someone asked how long I'd been dealing with asthma yesterday. I said, "6 years." She looked surprised that I was still trying to come to a balance with it. Howard said, "Some people want to stay in denial, instead of dealing with it." Which angered me, but I also wonder. Is it better to live in hope, and keep pushing the boundaries, or stop?

  • The trigger for this depression is, I think, having to give up weaving. Okay, I wasn't really good at it. But I loved it. Not warping, for heaven's sake, that seemed to be a nightmare almost every time. But weaving itself! The rhythm, watching FABRIC grow under my hands (and so FAST too!) I had plans, I was going to make blankets for friends. I was going to...

    and that is gone. I also spent a lot of money on the loom (and sundry), money from the sale of 2 very ugly vases that my great-uncle gave me, telling me they were valuable. I didn't believe him, but tucked them away where young children wouldn't break them. Several years ago, we took them to Sotheby's in New York, and put them up for online auction. The two went for $8,000.00! So, with part of that, I bought my loom, something I'd wanted for years. And named it Charlie, for Uncle Charlie, who loved family, and nice things.

Went to Fort Dodge with Howard yesterday, to pick up this and that. Got a dock for my camera, so it can recharge, instead of eating batteries. Wound up with a bass voice again, because I walked behind someone who had almost drowned in aftershave. Went to Hancock to get a separating zipper for the Lind, and arranged class time. Right now, I'm going to try to teach a series of 3 classes on knitting. Scary. Really scary. I've put on the announcement to please not wear perfumes or scents. I guess this is another aspect of denial. If this doesn't work out, I'll have to refund the $$, and add something else to my list that I can't do. I do have some hope about teaching 4-H kids, but haven't heard back on that.

Anyway, came home, having made it to the sleeve cap on one sleeve, wheezing and not really comfortable. Neb? Surely you jest? Then, and it just now connected, I had ice cream, and really reacted to that. Well yeah, already having allergic reaction, and then add to it? Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb! Drat, now I have to explain to Howard, who has been as confused about that as I was.

Trying to come up with something I can do for the tsunami victims. Not much $$ at this point of the year. But I will be sending money, as I can, because the need isn't going to go away for a long time.

Maybe later I'll post progress pictures. The new sewing machine is slow. Very slow. A very basic machine. It will do for a while. It did NOT like sewing steeks yesterday, but we wrestled through. Armscyes and front are now open, ready for the next step.

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